At What Cost?
by jehc
Summary: Q and Janeway get to know one another better.  This is my first story that is not J/7.  Forgive me and I hope you like it.


I am not trying to make money, just having a little fun. Every thing belongs to Paramount.

At What Cost?

Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager was standing alone in sickbay. Well not totally alone. Two crewmembers were enjoying a sedative enhanced sleep while recovering from their significant injuries. Janeway was standing by the bed of a third, Ensign Samantha Wildman. She was not going to make it. The Doctor had made her comfortable but her injures were so severe that it was just a matter of time.

While the Dr and Lt Tom Parris continued to assist the injured all over the ship, the Captain stood vigil. She could not leave someone under her command to die alone. A powerful alien had pulled Voyager 70 thousand light years from home. As they worked together to get back to the Alpha Quadrant her crew became a family. A family that was about to experience a terrible loss.

The Captain's face was covered in grime. Always a hands on leader she never shied away from the dirty jobs of space travel. Over the last few days she had spent more time in Jefferies tubes then on the bridge. For the previous two weeks Voyager had been under constant attack. Unaware that there was an armed dispute in the Jamith Territories Voyager sailed in to the middle of a war. The ship was being held together by a thread. And no one was above the work that needed to be done.

Right now the captain was herself was barely holding on by a thread. In just a few short hours she will have to tell Naomi Wildman, Voyagers only child, that her mother was dieing. She would pull on her Captain's Mask and deliver the news as gently as possible. She will be strong for the child. But right now she was tired. Tired of innocently wondering in to other people's wars and paying the price. Tired of putting on a brave face while she was dieing inside. Tired of being all things to all people. Just plain tired of all of it.

She put her hand to her forehead as she fought the despair. Another person who will not make it home. More scars on the people and the ship she commanded. Forbidden thoughts entered her mind. They could find a planet and land the ship. They could start a colony and just stay here. Or she could find an airlock and leave command to someone else. Her shoulders slumped and her breath came in short gulps, she hated how good either option sounded. Lost in thought she did not hear Lt Tom Parris, her helmsman and sometime medic, enter the sick bay and head to the Dr's office.

Janeway suddenly felt a male body pressed against her back. Arms came around and pulled her in to a tight hug. It was a testament to her fatigue and despair that she did not move or flinch, "Q" she said quietly. The man leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

"How did you know?"

"I am the captain. No one else would dare."

She felt him nod in agreement. Q was a member of an omnipotent species that had plagued the crew of Voyager throughout their ordeal. He was always annoying sometimes helpful and usually demanding. He was amazed when Kathryn leaned in to him, the back of her head resting on his chest. Knowing he was the one person she couldn't intimidate made him the obvious choice for a moment of comfort, but only a moment. As she began to pull away he held her tight. And in a seductive voice whispered in her ear.

"I can end this you know. Fix the ship, fix the crew, and send you home." Janeway closed her eyes.

"At what cost?" She asked tiredly. She looked at over at the dieing Samantha. She thought of 9-year-old Naomi and knew she'd give in. What ever he wanted she would do. She waited for his answer even though she was sure what it would be.

"One night" he replied quietly. "Spend tonight with me and tomorrow you will be home. No more deaths, no more battles. Your crew will be back where they belong and this burden will end."

Janeway closed her eyes. "Will we be playing cards or having sex?" Her voice was resigned. He chuckled in response.

"Don't bother with the deck Cathy, unless you like it on the floor." She straightened her shoulders and pulled away. She turned and looked at him straight in the eye.

"Will my quarters at 1900 work for you?" Q ignored the sarcasm in her voice.

"I look forward to it." He replied. Kathryn managed not to shudder at the look of glee on his face. She moved away but just before she exited she turned back to him and waved her hand towards the bio beds.

"If you would take care of this now I would appreciate it." Q snapped his fingers and Janeway could see the color comeback to Samantha Wildman's face. The ensign's breath became stronger, it was clear she would live. Janeway nodded to herself and headed for her quarters,

Lt. Paris stepped out of the Drs office and walked up to Q. He looked at the tall balding man with disgust clear on his face. "You just killed her you know." His voice was full of sadness with a backdrop of anger.

"Killed her?" Q said incredulously. "I just offerd her a ticket home and cured one of her favorite crew members. I saved her." Tom shook his head slowly.

"Do you think any member of this crew would want her to prostitute herself for them? Do you think Samantha will enjoy knowing that the captain, who we all love, sold her body so that she would live?" You have no idea what you have done to her. And what her death will do to us."

Q was genuinely puzzled by Tom's attitude. "Her death? I am not planning to hurt her. She is coming to me willingly. If she changes her mind there will be no repercussions. Its just fun, recreational sex." He looked at Tom as if he was talking to a rather dense child. "You sound like she is the victim in some Victorian novel, believing that she is facing a fate worse then death."

Tom let out a sarcastic angry chuckle. "Kathryn Janeway is no one's victim. She won't refuse. In spite of the shame that I know she is already feeling she will follow through with her head held high. When our captain makes a bargain she holds nothing back. Right now she is probably going to soak in her bathtub with a glass of wine. When you arrive she will be relaxed and beautiful. She's not afraid. She knows you are not her enemy, hell she is godmother to your child. For the night she may even be able to believe that it's just plain casual sex and let herself enjoy it. But know this; even though you are not her enemy five minutes ago you ensured that you will never again be her friend."

Q clearly didn't believe what Tom was telling him and shot him a smug smile. "She doesn't have to tell anyone. She can give any reason for my kindness. None knows but you Lt Paris."

"You really don't know Kathryn Janeway" Tom replied. "She will put the truth in a classified log. Not the details but the truth. She will do it hoping it will be kept classified. She will never be able to face the admirals that will read it and she will hope it never gets out. She will submit it knowing that leaks happen and things get declassified over time. Right now she is thinking of her legacy, thinking of herself as the Delta Quadrant Whore."

The solemn tone of Tom's voice and gravity of his words finally seemed to be sinking in. "And if I went to her and said I was joking. If I sent you home without having her fulfill her promise?"

"You still don't get it" Tom's voice rose in anger. "She agreed, she betrayed her principals. She will never again view herself in the same way. It will not matter if you show up or not. Be proud of yourself Q. The Kazon couldn't do it, the Borg couldn't do it but you managed it. You've killed Captain Janeway. Tomorrow, after she tells the crew how great we are and how proud of us she is, it will end. She will go in to her ready room to file some reports and never come out again. This week, this trip, put her right on the edge and you have pushed her over."

"You are wrong. The Kathryn Janeway I know would never do such a thing." Q looked at Tom imperiously.

"The Captain Janeway you know would never have agreed to earn a ride home on her back. The Captain Janeway you know didn't have to comfort a 9 year old crewmember who had just watched her mother get tortured almost to death."

Tom moved in to Q's personal space. They were practically nose to nose when Tom spoke again. "Why are you doing this? You have the whole universe to play with, why her?"

With an earnest look on his face Q replied, "Because she's amazing." And with a snap of his fingers he was gone.

Q convinced himself that Tom was wrong. He believed that Janeway would enjoy their time together and be grateful for his gift. At 1900 sharp he appeared in the Captain's quarters. Q was almost speechless when he saw the object of his affections. "Cathy you look beautiful." Kathryn accepted the compliment with a nod of her head.

"I seem to recall you appreciated this particular ensemble." She held out her hand to highlight the peach negligee. It was the one that he had caused her to wear during a previous seduction attempt.

Q could not believe this gracious woman was the shame filled person that Paris described in his warning. He sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to him. Janeway obediently sat beside him. His senses were overwhelmed by her proximity. Just the sent of her made his heart start pounding. Q reached out and gently touched Kathryn's hair. He marveled at it's softness.

Kathryn waited quietly to see what would happen. She felt Q touch her hair and then her cheek. She didn't flinch she just quietly let him explore her face with his hands. Q dropped his hands from her face and stared at Kathryn expectantly. "Well Cathy, what do we do now?"

Janeway's eyebrows shot up. "what do you mean what do we do now? I thought you came here for , she paused to think of the right words, a specific purpose."

"yes well…" Q suddenly did not look as confidant as when he came in. "Actually you will need to take the lead here. I am not sure what the next step should be." Kathryn's jaw dropped open and then she burst in to laughter.

"I can not believe you are serious. You are Q, a member of an omnipotent race. You are saying that you have been chasing me for 9 years and now that you caught me you don't know what do with me?" She burst in to more laughter until tears were streaming down her face. Q, for his part, was not amused.

"This is not my natural form. Feelings and actions in this body are not what I am used to. Do we have a deal or not." His voice was sharp. "Are you planning to be home tomorrow morning or still sitting here by yourself laughing at me?" This sobered Janeway up. When she next spoke it was in a soothing yet sultry voice.

"Of course we have a deal. Maybe we should start with this." She put her palm up to his cheek. She traced his lips with her thumb. Then she put her hands on either side of his face and pulled him in for a gentle first kiss. It was all he dreamed of. The kiss sent sparks shooting through his body as his heart pounded and he felt his breath beginning to become shallow.

As Kathryn let her tongue slip out and caress his lips he puller her on to his lap. His chest tightened with pleasure. He felt desire coursing through him. He pulled his mouth away and began to place gentile kisses starting at her ear and moving down her neck. Q's lips rested at her pulse point. He felt the steady beating of her heart and paused. He felt her feather light breath across his scalp. Steady pulse, light breathing, no physical signs of the sharp pleasure he was enjoying.

Kathryn's eyes were closed as her hand rubbed against his chest. Her head was angled to give him access to her neck. The smile on her face indicated pleasure and the promise of more to come. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. She made a little questioning sound as to why they had stopped. And Q's desire fled. Her eyes were not the ones of a woman experiencing pleasure. Her posture and smile were all for him, but her eyes were steal gray. The eyes of a prisoner with a noose around their neck, waiting for the floor to drop.

Q gently moved her off his lap and saw resignation turn to fear in her eyes. Her face didn't change but her eyes were communicating panic that it was all for naught. He saw desperation in her eyes as her smile softened and she reached for the waistband of his pants. Q was suffused with the shame that Tom had said he would cause the Captain. He backed away, snapped his fingers, and the world froze.

Q reappeared in the captain's ready room. Just as Tom predicted he saw the phaser on her desk. It was programmed for a voice command and set to kill. "how could this have happened?' Q wondered to himself. "how could I have allowed things to get this bad for her. Treating her like a plaything watching her struggles as if they were a game?" The moments in her arms had shown Q what it was like to be human.

"They grab for joy in their limited bodies. They look for happiness in the short time they had to live." All the years of treating the people of Voyager as pets weighed down on him as he began to understand their bravery. His perception of their limitations became admiration for their strengths.

The crew in the mess hall were frozen in time just as their captain was. Tom Paris was sitting alone at a table in the corner. Q woke him with a touch. "What, over all ready? he said derisively. "I thought you would have a little more stamina then that." The disdain in Tom's voice cut Q like a knife.

"Not over, Not begun" Q shook his head. "You know your captain intimately. How did that come about? If not with a physical joining, how? Tom was surprised at the question.

"Is that what you wanted, to know her better?" Q nodded.

"I have lived millions of years. I have met billions of beings. She is the most fascinating of them all. I want to know her, to understand her." Q looked at Tom beseechingly. "When My son was in trouble I knew instinctively that she could help. I didn't know how she would just that she could. And she did." The expression on Q's face was intense. "I want to know her like you know her. I want to understand her strength. In her way she has power I will never have. I want to understand her."

Tom smiled in spite of himself. "Well if you want to know her like I do don't add sex in to the equation. I never did. Humans don't experience things the way Q do. You can change your form and join the stars, we can only look at them. You can't know Kathryn by joining her body or even reading her mind." Tom sat back down at his table and invited Q to join him. "To know Captain Kathryn Janeway you only need to talk to her. Spend time with her learning about her life. Not the events that you can see in her memories but the emotion and feelings that go along with them."

Q stood up. "Thank you Lt." Shock showed on Tom face at the sentiment. A Q thanking him was unsettling.

"You're welcome" he said as Q disappeared.

"Lt. Paris report." As usual these were the first words of the Alpha shift on the bridge.

"We are traveling warp 6 on course for the Alpha Quadrant. We will be leaving Lamar space and entering the Jamith Territories in 3 hours.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." A tall balding man appeared next to the command crew. Janeway jumped a little at his sudden appearance but did not show any fear.

"Hello Q. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

"I thought you might need a little navigational advice. The Jamith and the Sumat have recently fallen in to an adversarial relationship. It has gotten a little dangerous in their neck of the woods."

Kathryn knew that Q was a pain but also that he wouldn't lie to her about something like this. "Ensign Kim go down to Astrometrics and have Seven plot a course around this area. I really don't need to deal with a war this week."

"You don't have to do that Cathy. I can end this you know. I could easily send you home." He looked at her expectantly

Janeway rolled her eyes.

"At what cost Q." The cost was always to high and she was sure today would be no different.

"One night" he replied quietly. "Spend tonight with me and tomorrow you will be home. No more deaths, no more battles. Your crew will be back where they belong and this burden will end."

Janeway laughed and patted him on the cheek. "Nice try but you know the answer to that one. As I have told you before I will not sleep with you even for a ride home."

Q feigned shock with great exaggeration. "You wound me Cathy. I had no intention of sleeping with you." He wiggled his eyebrows.

The crew on the bridge watched and listened. Q and the

Captain seemed to enjoy their verbal sparing and it was fun to watch.

"Let me rephrase my answer. You are not welcome in my bedroom Q no matter what the promise,"

Q put his hands to his heart as if hit by an arrow. "Actually Cathy I was thinking some place more public."

"Kinky" Kathryn heard Tom mumble from the pilots seat. She gave him a death glare as Q continued.

"You and your crew need to get your minds out of the gutter. My offer is this. You spend the whole night talking with me and in the morning I will send you home."

"Talking, just talking?" Janeway's tone of voice clearly expressed her doubts

"Yes, Captain Janeway, just talking. You choose the place. You can have a security detail or even you whole crew in the room with us if you would like."

"What's the catch? There has to be something that I am missing."

"No catch Cath. You will give me one night of your undivided attention and in return I will give you the remaining 30,000 Light years towards home."

Kathryn came to a decision and locked eyes with Q. "Would 1900 hours in the mess hall work for you?"

"I look forward to it." He replied and with a snap of his fingers he was gone.

Q arrived in the mess hall at 1900 sharp. Kathryn was waiting for him with her ever present cup of coffee in hand. "So what do you want to chat about?" She looked at her companion expectantly.

'You, I would like to talk about you." Janeway was taken aback by his response.

"Me? You want to spend the next twelve hours talking about me? Why?"

"A wise man once told me that if you want to know Captain Kathryn Janeway you just need to talk to her."

"And is that what you want? To know me?" Q picked up her hand as he looked in to her eyes across the table.

"Yes, Kathryn I want to know you." Her actual name seemed strange coming out of his mouth.

And so they began. He asked about her earliest memories and learned of cornfields and willow trees. They talked about tennis matches lost and awards won. He listened for the emotions not just the facts of her life and in some ways Q felt like he was on a roller coaster ride. He shared her grief at the loss of her father and her pride at graduating from the academy. He felt the joy of becoming a starship captain and the fear and pain from being a Cardsaian prisoner. In exchange for a ride home Janeway held nothing back.

The morning watch started to filter in to the mess hall. Kathryn was surprised at how quickly and pleasant the night had seemed to pass. "Well Kathryn it looks like time is up." Janeway shook her head.

"No way. You are not going to trick me in to leaving Early and then get off on a technicality. I promised you 12 hours and you promised me and my crew a trip home. I expect us both to get what we agreed to!"

"Actually I asked you for a night and you agreed. I never said twelve hours, you did. And quite frankly I am hurt that you could think I would go back on my word. Tell me one time when I did!" Q's voice was actually angry and a little hurt.

Kathryn put her hand on his shoulder, "You are correct. In the past you have manipulated me, inconvenienced me, annoyed me, taken advantage of me and occasionally helped me. But you have never out right lied to me or gone back on your word." She smiled at him. "So what's next?"

Q nodded in response to her words. "Well I don't know if that endorsement would get me far in life and it certainly didn't help my ego, but sadly it is accurate." He grinned at her " Go to your quarters Captain. Your bathtub is already filled with bubbles there is a fresh cup of coffee on the table and a clean uniform on your bed. I will meet you on the bridge in one hour." And with a snap of his fingers he was gone.

Clean, dressed and caffeinated the Captain headed to the bridge. She did not believe for one minute that she was about to go home. She had told the bridge crew as much the evening before. "I don't know what he is up to" she had said "but it wont hurt to play along. Just don't spread any gossip. I cant stand the idea of the crew being let down again."

Knowing the mystery of Q's intentions was about to be solved Kathryn had a smile on her face as she said "Mr. Paris report." The sandy haired pilot looked at his console.

"We are at traveling at warp 6 enroot to the alpha quadrant. We have changed our heading to avoid the Jamith territories. All appears to be clear sailing ahead Captain."

Q suddenly appeared at the Captain's side. "I think you missed something Lt Paris. Maybe you should take another look."

The Lt chuckled and sarcastically replied "Aye sir." He checked his console and then turned in his seat. His face was pale as he stuttered "Ccaptian." Janeway looked over at him and did not even need to ask what he saw.

"Lt Kim confirm our location." Her voice was firm. There was no sign of her inner turmoil on her face. There was a slight tremor in her step as she moved to sit in her chair. Lt. Kim however was positively shaking as he replied.

"Captain, our location is sector zero one. We are five light years out from McKinley station."

"Janeway to Seven of Nine." Her command mask was still firm on her face she could not dare to hope.

"Seven here Captain."

"What is our location?" Janeway's hand began to tighten on the arm of her chair. Her knuckles were turning white.

"We are in sector zero one, alpha quadrant. We are five light years out from McKinley station.

Janeway closed her eyes and spoke again "Tuvok…." Q had had enough he covered her hand with his.

"Really Cathy, have some faith. Would you like to call down to the mess hall and have a few crewmen report our location from the window?" Its not going to change. My promise is kept." Her thoughts were still racing when he leaned in and gave her a light, quick, kiss on the lips. No passion, just a gentile touch. "Welcome home Captain Janeway." he said and then he was gone.

ONE YEAR LAER

It was a lovely fall evening in farm country. When Voyager arrived home Kathryn came to the family farm in Indiana. Her original intention was to spend time with her mother and then move back to her home in San Francisco. However Gretchen Janeway's health was not good. The joy of her daughters return staved off her illness for a time so Kathryn stayed with her. The mother and daughter were able to spend 9 months together before Gretchen passed away. By then Kathryn was so comfortable in her childhood home that she opted to stay here. Her Home in San Francisco sold easily.

Today Kathryn decided to enjoy the lovely weather. She went for a walk and found her at her mother and father's grave side. The small family cemetery was on the Janeway property about a mile from the house. Standing by her parents grave she thought again how grateful she was to have see her mother before she died.

Kathryn suddenly felt a male body press against her back. Arms came around and pulled her in to a tight hug. "Q" Janeway said in a husky voice.

"How did you know?" He asked.

"I am an Admiral, no one else would dare." She didn't move out of his arms but actually accentuated the hug buy leaning back and resting her head against him. "You got me home in time to see her." Janeway nodded over to the grave. "I could never thank you enough for that. She was able to go in peace knowing that I was home."

"You are most welcome Kathryn." Q was surprised that Kathryn was not pulling out of his arms but seemed to be content staying where she was. "I know you are a very busy Star Fleet Admiral but I was hopping you had a free day."

"Oh" said Janeway curiously. "Why."

Q smiled. "Well I was thinking you would be willing to show me some of the places you told me about. For example there is a willow tree I am particularly interested in seeing."

The Admiral smiled at his words. "You would like a tour of the family farm?"

"Yes I would." Q was intrigued by Kathryn's willingness to stay close to him. She had not even made the slightest attempt to pull out of his arms.

"Well I think I could be persuaded to show you around a bit." The Admiral's teasing voice did not go unnoticed by Q. She pulled his arms in tighter as she spoke. It seemed to Q that they were so close he could feel her rapid heart beat.

"Persuaded, I see. At what cost?"

"I think one night of your time might be a good start." Kathryn's breathing seemed to get a little shallow as she remained in Q's arm waiting for him to answer.

"Talking?" he replied after a long pause.

"No" she answered.

"Cards then?" He said as he rubbed his cheek against her hair.

"No Q." Kathryn turned in his arms linking her hands around his neck. "I think I would be more interested in finishing what you started on my bridge. That was quite an exit."

Q looked down into her smiling face and planted a chaste kiss upon her lips. "like that?"

"No, like this." Kathryn pulled him in for a soft, slow, exploratory kiss. It was only moments before it turned in to a passionate exchange. After several minutes of pleasure they pulled apart. In a soft husky voice she enquired "do you think it is too much to ask?"

Q chuckled. " Would 1900 at the Janeway farm work for you?"

Janeway laughed outright. "I look forward to it. Actually why don't you come a little earlier and have dinner? We could walk over there together, now if you like."

They walked to the farm hand in hand but never did have dinner. "So tell me Q. Do you really want to wait until 1900 or would you like to start now." She was guiding him to the bed room as she spoke.

"Well now K" She arched her eyebrow a the new nick name "I am happy to do what ever you like." her lips started to twitch in amusement as she sat down on the bed and looked up at him.

"What ever I'd like?"

"Yes K, I am yours to command."

"Then come over here and kiss me." He did and when they broke apart Q stared at Kathryn for a long time. "What is it?" she asked "Do I have something on my face."

"No" he said "But there is a sparkle in your eye and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I am just wondering why it took so long for you to show me?"

"Our relationship while I was Captain included bribery, manipulation and teasing. You never once just came to me and said that you desired me or that you truly cared for me as a woman. Not until you gave me your parting kiss, but then you were gone."

"So if I had shown my sincerity back then your answer would have been different?" Her sad smile reminded him of the weight she had carried for 9 years.

"No, but I would have wanted it to be. I did want it to be." She pulled him down on the bed. And in a long night of passion she showed him what had always been in heart. Q, for his part, held nothing back.

0900 seemed terribly early to be getting a message on a Saturday morning. But since Star Fleet admirals were always on call she answered. "Accept incoming message audio only." She had a naked Q draped around her body so she thought video might have been a bad idea.

Janeway was surprised to hear the voice of Tom Paris. "Hello Tom how are you?"

"I am well Admiral. I was just wondering if you had heard from Q lately."

Janeway swatted Q's hand away from her breast as she replied. "yes actually he did pop up here at the farm yesterday. Why?" She gave Q a saucy grin.

"Well when I got up this morning I found a Camaro in my front yard,"

"A what? What is a Camaro."

Tom sounded very excited about his prize. "It appears that Q left me an automobile. It is a 1965, candy apple red, convertible in mint condition."

Janeway rolled her eyes at Tom's enthusiasm for anything that belongs in the 20th century. "How do you know it was Q?"

"He left a note Admiral ,but it is strange."

"Oh, what does it say? Will you read it to me?"

"Ok but it is kind of embarrassing and doesn't make any sense." He read.

To Tom Parris

The wisest man I've ever met.

On a day that never happened you saved her life.

On the day you saved her life you saved my sole.

Thank you,

Q

"Well Tom, all I can say is you must have done something pretty special. It would probably be easier to forget the note and enjoy the car. But if Q shows back up I will ask him about it. Janeway out."

Kathryn looked over to bed mate. "Are you going to explain this to me Q."

He smiled at her.

"No, K, I am not." As she started to protest Kathryn felt Q's warm mouth encircle her nipple. She tried to push him away but was distracted by his hand moving slowly down her body. She arched her back and promptly forgot what it was she wanted to know.

The End


End file.
